Just my thoughts on Jay-Z and Beyonce's children

With all due respect, past and present, and without further to do.

1) I`m tired of this kid already.

It`s all anyone wants to speak about on Black People Twitter and bored hoodrat blogs, and it didn`t yet be as late as when I woke up this morning. Imagine what it`s gonna be like when it`s actually born, and masses post pictures of it every day of the week.

And the next thing you know it`ll give an album out, like Will Smith`s troll-like daughter, who, oddly enough, is signed to Jay-Z`s label. Her and Jay-Z, Jr. can be labelmates.

For the passion of god, let`s hope this is merely a rumor.

There`s a possibility Beyonce isn`t really pregnant. The only semi-credible media outlet reporting on this is Us Weekly, and they`re quoting some unknown source. Which way this could be some ol` bullshit. I could report pretty much anything, citing an unknown source, and how would you recognise whether or not it`s true? If it turned out not to be true, I could only take my source had bad information. It used to be the event that evening the government couldn`t get you to discover the individuality of your source, if it was meant to be confidential, but of course Bush got rid of that. For what it`s worth, Obama probably has the sami policy.

Beyonce`s sister Solange supposedly did say on Twitter how Beyonce would have a great mother. (How so?). I don`t follow Beyonce`s sister on Twitter - I only learn about it ended at Vlad TV, which is where I first heard about Beyonce allegedly being pregnant. Solange must be on Twitter a lot. It`s not like she has anything else better to do, plus I recollect reading the former day that she went off on Katy Perry, because her son is preoccupied with the ur-fapworthy "California Gurls" video. (At least we know he`s straight! I don`t know if we should trust Solange any more than we trust Us Weekly. She probably can`t still get Beyonce on the phone.

2) This kid might be a small bit slow.

There`s a cause why even ostensibly normal kids these days look like they might make a touch (a dusting, if you will) of down syndrome. It`s because their moms are like 40, and 40 year-old women don`t let any business trying to make a baby. Once you get to be that old, you probably can`t get a baby anyway, or at least not without being pumped full of the crap the Octomom was on. And yet if you do manage to successfully conceive and contain a sister to term, there`s probably going to be something amiss with it. Because the egg it came from was old and decrepit, just like the remainder of its mother. In fact, something like 85% of a woman`s eggs are already exhausted by the time she`s 30. Not 39, mind you, but 30 days old. Beyonce is the like age as I am, which means she`s closing in on 30 - but I reckon we all know that`s just her showbiz age. In actual life, she`s probably closer to 40. I heard she was childhood friends with Gabrielle Union, who used to be surprisingly young looking, for being mad old. But the final few times I`ve seen on her, on these bored hoodrat blogs I see to rest up on things, she looked older than a motherfucker. Which suggests to me that this NBA player she`s with might be on the DL.

Aging doesn`t take the like impression on a man`s reproductive function. You could be 90 and yet get a kid and make it go out okay - except for the fact that its father`s not gonna live to see it get very old. Which is of class a near matter for Jay-Z. Like his wife Beyonce, I`m not yet sure if I buy that he`s 41 or whatever. His case is a short bit too droopy. He might be like 50. A 50 year-old man can have a child just fine, provided he can pop a rod in the 1st place [||], but how can a guy, let alone a black guy, let alone a rapper, get to be that old without having any kids? Diddy can hardly jerk off without getting a woman pregnant. (Talk about an expensive habit! There might be something amiss with Jay-Z`s sperm. No homo.

3) Let`s hope it takes after its mother.

The worst thing that could possibly find to this kid, short of being sat on by Beyonce (which is the best possible thing that could pass to me), is if turns out to be a girl, but it has a face like its father. If it`s a guy, it should be fine. Both of its parents are huge, so it`ll almost certainly get to be taller than the government`s official cutoff point for midgets (4′10″), unlike Will Smith`s children. It might hold a case like a camel, like Jay-Z, but it`ll have enough money to buy whatever pussy it wants. That`s how it got here in the first place. But think if it`s a miss and it has a case like a camel. That would be downright horrific. I don`t care whose daughter it is, I`m not having sex with a woman who has a look like a camel. Give me a broke woman with a normal size nose and lips. As a guy, I don`t really worry about money anyway. I`d go on a lot of garbage, if I could get a charwoman to know me on top of it.