It's one thing for Beyonce to wrap herself in a robe that looks like it was made using the gilded sperm of Lumiere the Candlestick and the dusty ovaries of Babbette the Feather Duster, but it's another to thrust herself so fast that you can't even walk. Like an elephant dick in a guinea pig condom.
Whenever Beyonce drags Jay-Z to events like last night's Costume Institute Gala at The Met, he ever looks like those dudes you see holding their chick's purses outside of the ladies room with a perma-grimace on their face. And now she does this to him?!
Jay-Z and a benefactor had to physically help Beyonce up the steps into the museum. If it was me, I would've knocked that ho to the story and rolling her ass up the stairs. When we were getting ready to leave, I would've set up bowling pins at the bottom of the stairs, told Beyonce to have her breath and so rolled her ass down hoping for a strike!
You can't even mean about winning a puddle in a satin sausage casing like that dress. If you even twitch your labia a bit, all the seams will fall apart and you'd be all sorts of naked. It's not like 4 peons (or pee-ons, I should say) can prop Beyonce up on a stool and guide-eth thee pee-eth stream down below. Beyonce could not pee. Because she could not pee, she could not drink any kind of booze. Because she could not drink one cast of booze while surrounded by a sea of perfumed assholes, she might as easily have been in hell. Although, if you're an asshole amongst assholes, you likely don't care. Beyonce waddling around a museum is never the look.
Anyway, here's a lot of hos who obviously asked themselves "Should I trip her? Should I trip her?" while Beyonce waddled by. In order (after Beyonce and Jay-Z): Gis Bundchen with a granola gayelle, a neon marker named Brooklyn Decker, Dakota Fanning, Elle Fanning, Salma Hayek, JLo with Skeletor, RiRipunzel, Madge, Fishsticks with Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker with an Andy Cohen photo bomb and the First Lady of New York.
Wenn.com, Splash, Bauer Griffin
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